Dearly beloved... We are gathered here today to get through this thing called life. Which sometimes requires Very Hungry Caterpillar cookies. Whew, y'all. Today is definitely a TGIF situation. More like a TFGIF situation, honestly. Mostly because of work, which I won't get into but suffice to say that the last few weeks at work have sucked beyond the telling of it. And obviously we've had the hard news about Waylon* that we've been coming to terms with. It hasn't all been terrible -- we got to meet up for dinner last night with a dear friend from college and had a lovely time catching up. Another dear friend is about to make the trek back to the PNW in a couple days after an extended time away. (Good luck on the Oregon Trail, @aprilhauck ! And good luck surviving a road trip with her, @moaishia !) We get to pick up our plant order from @sparrowhawknativeplants tomorrow. And there's lots of chocolate-related activity going on as @oneeightyconfections finishes everything up for sending out orders, which is fun to be around. So there's lots to be grateful for, and I am. Still, when I stopped by Sparrow Bakery on the way to an appointment this morning and saw this box on the shelf, I may or may not have done the Snoopy Happy Dance in celebration. TFGIF, indeed. *(Waylon's doing pretty well, all things considered. The new kidney diet is going well and seems to be helping his comfort level. The oncologist also had us increase the steroid dosage, which is the component of his chemo that helps with the proliferation of MSTs. So we're going to see some results from that in the next week or so. It won't change the outcome, but it will keep him comfortable and possibly slow the progression a bit. More to be grateful for.) #gratitudepractice #cookietherapy #Waylon

Waylon had his 2 month vet visit on Wednesday (his 10th birthday) and we got some not good news when the test results came back Friday. His cancer-related blood work are fairly good, but his kidney numbers aren't. He was in an early stage of chronic kidney disease when we got him (common thing with senior kitties) and was on the cusp of stage 2 by the time he started chemo in October. One of the side effects of Palladia, the primary chemo medicine he was on, is that it can eventually cause kidney damage, so it's not something that can be taken indefinitely. That can be 6 months, maybe a year or longer, it all depends. Which is one of the reasons that his treatment requires a bunch of tests every 2 months. At his visit with the oncologist in February, his numbers were still pretty ok. Slightly elevated, but expected. The numbers this time, though, put him into Stage 3 CKD. Immediately after the regular vet called with the test results and we discussed next steps for the CKD, the oncologist called to say that we needed to take him off the Palladia. We've reached the stage where the medication that was saving him is now killing him. And even if we continued, it's stopped working. He developed an MST last month that hasn't grown but hasn't gone away. Two smaller ones in the last couple weeks. A few more in the last week. Even if we could afford either of the alternate chemo options (well over $1k/month), they're very onerous, both for him and for us, either invasive or only slightly less invasive, and have much more substantial side effects. For very limited outcome. So we've decided it's time to stop cancer treatment. Instead, we'll just manage symptoms for comfort care until he no longer has a good quality of life, and choose a peaceful end. We're switching him to a CKD diet to manage his kidney issue for however long, and will monitor for pain and discomfort to make sure we don't reach a stage where he's suffering. We knew this day would come, obviously hoping it would be longer before it did. But we would've been heartbroken regardless. For now, he's doing ok, seems to be feeling fine, and we can be grateful for the time we have. #Waylon #MillieMoon

Want to give some "flowers" and chocolates to someone special??? I may have just the thing for you.... This is my newest design, "The World Is A Garden", which I created for a collaboration with @oneeightyconfections as part of the rollout of his first chocolates, the Spring Blossom Collection. The chocolates themselves were actually the inspiration for this design, along with a quote from one of my all-time favorite books, The Secret Garden. In fact, I incorporated colors representing each flavor of his new collection: yellow and lavender (Lemon-Lavender Caramel); white, pale green, and pale yellow (Chamomile White Chocolate Ganache); pink, magenta, and dark periwinkle (Blackberry Milk Chocolate Ganache); orange and amber (Orange Creme Fondant). So the collaboration is a special gift option, called the Spring Blossom Bouquet, and it's meant for any occasion. It includes: 💐 Box set of the four chocolates in the Spring Blossom Collection 💐 5"x5" greeting card featuring the "The World Is A Garden" design 💐 A short message from you to your recipient, handwritten by me (you'll enter your message when you place your order) 💐 Package sent to your recipient (shipping cost not included) Better than a regular ol' bouquet of flowers and chocolates, right?? (I may be biased. Probably not, though.) Orders will be sent out on Monday, May 6th via Priority Mail (1-3 day shipping) so they can be received by Mother's Day, in case that's the reason for your order. (For Portland-area folks, you also have the option to pick-up on May 4th; details will be included when you place your order.) This collaboration will only be available on the OneEightyConfections.com website once pre-orders open (which OEC mailing list members will get a notification for...or you can check the site periodically if you want to just take your chances, no judgments here). #wishmoonstudio #oneeightyconfections #theworldisagarden #springblossombouquet #thesecretgarden #mixedmediaart

(Pictured here: a whole slab of mysterious yumminess...) Woohoo, the @oneeightyconfections website is up and running! One Eighty Confections is my beloved @hopnstein's new venture to make and sell handmade, small batch candies. Said confections are coming this month, but you should totally check out the site in the meantime to see what it's all about. And! There are teaser descriptions of the first set of confections that'll be available. Y'ALL. As the Official OEC Taste Tester, I can confirm that they are going to blow your socks off! They are so incredibly dreamy to look at and especially especially dreamy to eat. Like delicious little jewels of deliciousness. So go check out the site! (oneeightyconfections.com, linked in my stories) Get on the mailing list if you haven't already! And get yourself some socks in preparation for what's to come! #oneeightyconfections

So this happened a couple of months ago. It was a YOLO purchase that we ordered a few days before my first biopsy with a combination of Xmas money, Lego VIP points, and some gift cards we were planning to use for some bills, but decided fuck it, we're both tired of being responsible right now, let's do something fun instead. Staring down the barrel of the cancer gun will do that. We haven't started it yet -- we've been a tad busy -- but even just seeing it sitting in the box, waiting, makes me smile every time. It makes me think about how much fun it was to do something silly when we felt so anxious, and how much fun we're going to have building it together (once we figure out where we're going to do it...it's huge). No regrets, even as the medical bills roll in. Responsibilities will always be there, but memories last longer. Enjoy the fun things that make your heart glad, friends, big or small. Even when they're not always the most responsible choice. Otherwise, what are we even doing here?

I just decided that today is Good Things Friday! Tell me a good thing that's got you smiling today. Can be your own good thing, or a you-adjacent good thing, or just a good thing that makes you happy and you want to share. I'll start with a personal good thing and a few environmentally-related* good things: 👍 My good thing is that I had surgery a month ago yesterday and I'm feeling lighter and brighter. I even took a selfie today on a whim! What is even happening. My bonus good things: 🌍 The black rhino has made a miraculous comeback from near extinction. Their numbers have doubled to almost 1,000. 🌎 The US Fish & Wildlife Service is putting $1.3 billion toward wildlife conservation to protect wildlife diversity and enhance outdoor recreational access. 🌍 The EU passed a law to make severe ecological destruction a criminal offense so that offenders can be more easily charged and held accountable. *(My environmentally-related good things came from a post by @sambentley.) Okay, your turn. Let's hear your good things!

This outdoor triptych hangs outside @breatheportland , in the lovely inner courtyard you walk through before going inside their space. It's just a few blocks up the street from where I live. A few weeks ago, I was incredibly fortunate to enjoy a self care session there. My MIL gifted it to me after my surgery, which was so kind and thoughtful that I cried when she first suggested it. Breathe offers a variety of services and she said I could pick whatever I wanted. But honestly, after months of bruising tests, needles, sharp instruments, and having my body cut into, I just craved a bit of pampering and touch that wasn't painful. And living with worry and fear for so long, still waiting to find out results, I was craving comfort, too. So I asked for a facial, and she included a foot soak as an add-on to her gift. Lydia, the aesthetician who did my session, put together a custom experience based on what I wanted from the session, and let me tell you: it was absolutely *transformative*. Every aspect was thoughtful and full of care. Every aspect understood that I was there for more than what I was there for. At the beginning, I confided that I was feeling very emotional about everything, like it was all in the back of my throat as if I was on the verge of tears. Midway through the facial, a creme she used smelled like cherry almond, the same scent as the Jergens lotion Grandmother used to use when I was little. It's been almost a year since she passed away. Lydia didn't know what prompted my tears at that moment, but she wiped them away gently. Toward the end of the session when she started massaging my left arm -- the side of my body that's been nothing but poked and prodded for months -- some of the tightly held upset of months finally came to the surface. Quietly but insistently. It was a vulnerable moment, and I so appreciated that she was willing to be in it with me, to just let it be and give it the space it needed. Sometimes self care looks like grieving. Whether it happens on a massage table or in a car listening to sad songs or randomly for no apparent reason at all, just let it be and give it the space it needs. 💜

If you need a tutorial on how to just relax for a bit, these two are giving free lessons. #Waylon #MillieMoon #petsarehearthealers #petsarelifesavers

I feel like this has become the metaphor for my life lately. I made it in 2017* and it hangs in my studio so I see it every day. If I ever got a tattoo, I think it would be these words. My phone battery died last week (Sunday night) which has meant that I was technologically hamstrung for most of last week while I waited for it to be fixed. (I'll spare you my EXTENSIVE rant about the utterly maddening way phones are integrated in every little function of life that makes it damn near impossible to do just about anything without one, at least without a lot of additional aggravation. And I say that as someone who tries to be mindful about not living through their phone.) I finally got it back Thursday night, but I've been slow rolling my return to online life since then. Anyway, whether it's been bigger challenges like all the medical stuff lately or the comparatively less important challenge of being without my dumb phone for the better part of a week, or various other challenges in between that I won't go into, it's all just been a lot. Nevertheless, I'm persisting. Enjoying the spectacular arrival of Spring, working on some exciting projects, slowly getting back to normal routines as my body heals, releasing the stress and fear of recent health worries, enjoying quality time with @hopnstein and the kitties. Grateful, grateful, grateful for all of these. Perhaps that's its own kind of persistence. *I stitched this in 2017 when during my surgery recovery then. It's a little kit I bought in college(!) that is planned to make for my mom because she loves pansies but never got around to. I'd forgotten about it until I was looking for something to work on to keep my hands occupied while I was resting and healing. The kit design had different words at the bottom, I forget what, but wanted something different. Only a few months before my surgery, Elizabeth Warren had been admonished with these words for not staying silent, and of course the phrase became famous instantly. They were perfect for this piece and what I was going through at that time. And again since.

Good news! I received my results on Thursday and all tests came back benign! I took this picture from my front porch that evening, glad for the amazing run of Spring weather we've been having that has felt like its own kind of celebration. Along with cake, takeout from our neighborhood Mexican place, plants for the yard, and a long overdue return to the studio*. (I've got an amazing new project I can't *wait* to tell you about.) I had my post-op appointment with the surgeon Friday to go over what's next. Because while the test results were good, the reality of atypical ductal hyperplasia (ADH) is that I will have to have ongoing interventions and/or risk-reducing medication for a long time. But the other reality is that knowing you have this condition goes a long way to catching anything extremely early. (Get your mammograms, folks!) And about 85% of people diagnosed with ADH never develop breast cancer, so it's good (for me) to keep that in perspective. Thank to you all for the incredible and overwhelming response. I've received everything from website/FB/IG comments and private messages to touching emails, texts, and phone calls, which helped so much while the wait for test results seemed to take forever. (2+ weeks really does feel like forever when you're waiting on that kind of news) So many of you also shared your own health struggles, or those of people close to you, and I so appreciated the show of solidarity and understanding. I hope sharing my own challenge of something hard and scary made you feel less alone about your own hard and scary thing, whether you shared it or not.

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