the power of circles
NOTE: I started writing this a few weeks ago, and in the time since, events have obviously escalated, which seems both boggling and unsurprising in a way only these crazymaking times can be. But I decided to finish and post it anyway because I think my reminder is even more necessary now, on the cusp of what’s sure to be a historic day — along a string of already historic days. Whatever’s ahead, the idea is more relevant than ever, and will continue to be.
I didn’t have “my GenX childhood fears as told to us by pop culture coming to life” on my bingo card at this point in my life, but here we are. My bigger mistake was in fearing that only one of them might come true instead of all of them at once and in the dumbest way possible. Exhibit A:
Wargames
The Day After
Red Dawn
The Handmaid’s Tale
Terminator
Wall Street
Megaforce
The Oregon Trail video game
Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome
The Stand
Gotta be real with y’all: if a 100 ft marshmallow man starts terrorizing the streets of NYC, I’m out.
But! One upside to being GenX is that we grew up with a 38-62% certainty that a man-made, world-destroying calamity was in our future and that we would be called upon to prevent it from happening. We are the generation of The Goonies and The Lost Boys, after all – we learned to be prepared for anything, from pirates to vampires. (We also learned that a successful team always needed Corey Feldman.) Basically, we know how to survive some shit. Even better, we know how to thrive in spite of shit.
Surviving and Thriving
The thing about surviving and thriving is that we do it best as a team. Would Mikey, Chunk, Mouth, Data, and the rest of the Goonies have been able to escape the Fratellis without each other’s help, let alone discover the pirate treasure and save the Goondocks? Would Sam, Michael, and the Frog Brothers have defeated David and his gang of unholy bloodsuckers, let alone the Head Vampire? No and oh hell no.
As much as we might be inclined to pull away and isolate in these scary times, we have to resist that pull. Fear tells our vulnerable animal selves: “Get small, hide, you’ll be safe.” And I get it. Oh my goodness, you have no idea how much I get it. The instinct to isolate is a valid one, but the counsel of Fear is meant for immediate survival. For long-term survival, we need community.
Easier said than done, I know. Believe me, I get that, too. It helps, though, to realize that community is simply relationship-building and relationship-strengthening. Reaching out to the people in your life more frequently, making more time for in-person connection, etc. Looking for new chances to connect and taking that brave step to do it.
Thinking In Circles
Since November, these words have become my mantra:
We take care of each other.
The “we” and “each other” here are what I’ve been calling Circles. I’ve talked about Circles before in my post here at the end of all things. Your immediate household of people and pets and indoor/outdoor space is a Circle. Your family and friends are a Circle. Your neighborhood, community, volunteer/faith organizations – all Circles. The animals, the environment are also Circles. The refugees, the homeless, the disabled, they are our Circles, too. The larger community of people in your region, country, elsewhere in the world. Also all Circles. They are big and small and they intersect and overlap and reinforce. Anywhere there is connection, authenticity, respect, and yes, love, there is a Circle.
The idea that we are all responsible to and for each other is as ancient as civilization, a lesson we learn – and need to continually relearn, apparently – that we survive and thrive together, in community and collective. Circles. We take care of each other.
Yes, the political group currently in power is inflicting division and hate and violence and suffering, but their power is brittle and unsustainable. Tyranny relies on fear and isolation, because our power, real power, gathers strength from the collective and has no need for terror and pain to sustain itself.
I’m talking radical compassion, revolutionary support, the responsibility of building resilience together with joyous defiance in the face of the worst and darkest impulses of cruel people who are emotionally empty.
We take care of each other.
It’s hard, daunting work. I admit that there are days I feel so spent that I don’t think I can continue doing it. Heaven knows I’m showing up imperfectly and inconstantly. I’m learning how to build something communal for the present and future, unlearning the old ways that held me back from that community in the past, all while bringing forward the hard-fought wisdom and instincts that have taken me a lifetime to recognize and trust. I’m showing up as best I can, is my point. Sometimes open and able to give more of myself, sometimes all of my openness consumed by rage, sometimes showing up just out of spite alone.
And I have been sustained by this work. Giving what I can, building up, staying connected and affirming. I’m fortunate that I haven’t needed much, but that may not always be so. Regardless, my circles have deepened and strengthened, which provides a support to me that makes the day-to-day of this diminishing time in the world a little easier to bear.
My hope by sharing all of this is to provide an example that might be useful to you if you’ve been searching for ways to not only survive this time, but thrive through it. Seek out your Circles, lean into the power and strength of the collective. Sustain community as much as you’re able, and it will sustain you in turn. Remember: whatever happens, whatever comes, we take care of each other.